The India England Test Match series was lost by India much before it even started. When a guy like Andrew Strauss says Greame Swann is the best spinner in the world and Greame Swan in turn says, England will white wash India 4-0, the least the India think tank could do was to retaliate by saying that Joginder Sharma is the fastest bowler in the world and Abhinav Mukund is the next Brian Lara! This would have made Ian bell lose his form, Andrew Strauss his head, Stuart Broad his famous temper and Kevin Pieterson his appetite.
Here’s a closer look at the extraordinary gentlemen in the Indian Cricket team who have handed out the No. 1 test team status to England and who have made the likes of Greame Swann and Ian Botham, the modern day Nostradamuses.
Abhinav Mukund : Abhinav disappears from the crease faster than a Harman Baweja movie disappeares from the theatres. Of course his two 40+ innings in West Indies have ensured that his aggregate stay at the crease is longer than international career of Atul Wassan! His comment ‘it’s difficult to replace Sehwag’ would make Congress replace Digvijay Singh. With the absence of Sehwag and Gambhir in West Indies, atleast he got noticed walking out to bat with Murali Vijay by his side. Had he done that with Sehwag or Gambhir, he’d realise how Abhishek feels when he walks the red carpet with Aishwaya at the Film festivals.
Rahul Dravid: Despite scoring three centuries, could not even save a single match for India. His dismissal in the 2nd innings at Lord’s, caught by Matt Prior fishing outside the off stump was a shocker!! So shocked was Matt Prior, he rubbed his eyes in disbelief with his wicketkeeping gloves on and had a minor eye injury and was a doubtful starter for the next test! Dravid and fishing outside the off stump? But then all great men make mistakes. Hasn’t Naseeruddin Shah done a “Tridev”?
VVS Laxman: Magical, mostly against Australia, failed to fire in the series. The only good part about Laxman failing is that one does not get to hear Gavaskar’s oft repeated line, “VVS stands for “very very special”. In fact he’s said it more times than Ravi Shastri’s line “that went like a tracer bullet”!!
Suresh Raina: One century in a losing cause. Hasn’t shown big stage temperament. Had the audacity to tweet, “ I am safe” ( referring to the riots) wherein actual reason, we are told that it was because Chris Tremlett was ruled out of the series!!
Yuvraj Singh: When it comes to injuries he is only second to Jackie Chan, now that Ajit Agarkar is not playing. He has single handedly made leaving the ball outside the off stump a dying art!! A few kilos more and you wouldn’t be able to tell Yuvi from his Pune Warriors team mate Jesse Ryder!!
Sachin Tendulkar: has not been able to get a century at Lord’s where even Ajit Agarkar has scored one and the century of centuries still eludes him. Harsha Bhogle ,once said about Sachin, “the only time he doesn’t get a standing ovation is when he gets out of bed”. Two more series like this and he would get standing ovation only when he gets out of bed. His dismissal at Edgbaston would make Abhinav Mukund look like Brian Lara. He proved his detractors wrong when he got out for 91 in the last test match. Now no one can say India loses when Sachin scores a century. Now he’s proved that India can lose even when he misses his century!!
M.S.Dhoni: Till sometime before the English tour, MSD didn’t know what failure meant just the way Tusshar Kapoor doesn’t know even today, what success means. After losing 4 matches on the trot, Uday Chopra, Bobby Deol and Tusshar Kapoor are friends with Dhoni on facebook.
Gautam Gambhir : Makes a long face everytime he gets out. Remember the mix up with Yuvi and the run –out that followed in World Cup 2011 match against Pakistan ? When Ambati Rayadu of Mumbai Indians whacked Laxmipathy Balaji of Kolkatta Knight Riders for a last ball six in IPL-4, the long face, made, everyone mistake him for Pakistani cricketer Umar Gul!!
Harbhajan Singh: As a commentator Wasim Akram may say “ their” instead of “there. But so what? Doesn’t Ranjit Fernando say “ v-cut” instead of “wicket” and “ cri-cut” instead of “cricket”? But his comment asking to drop Harbhajan Singh would make even Greig Chappell’s toxic comments sound like Mohinder Amarnath’s!! Wasim has done a great service to our nation. Harbhajan would not get a turn even on our potholed roads. In fact,our sources add that going by Harbhajan’s form even Anderson and Bresnan were fancying their chances to score double hundreds!!
S.Sreesanth: Mamooty of Indian Cricket!! Unfortunately for India, he looks ferocious only when he walks up to his bowling mark and in the dressing room. Better remembered for Misbah’s catch in the inaugural T20 finals, and the jig he performed after hitting Andre Neil over the boundary. Also a pace bowler!! He can bowl more wides and no balls in a series than Mcgrath has bowled in his lifetime.
Virender Sehwag: If Munaf Patel has a body language problem, Sehwag has a language problem. We are told, that when coach Duncan Fletcher said at the team meeting, that Indian pace attack needs to have more teeth, Sehwag replied, “if teeth is all you want then we should recall Ashish Nehra and not of R P Singh”. Half the Indian team fell off their chairs laughing and that seems to be the real cause for the injuries. Munaf did not understand a word and survived and is now fit to play and get hammered!! ;)